A Time for Evaluation

We had a shake-up in our church this week. One of the families have a daughter that ran away. She left a lengthy note explaining how she fears God but she doesn't really trust Him. This was her way of learning to trust God. She's fifteen years old, so she couldn't (or didn't) drive. They found her the next day a town or two away. She comes from a nice family. They always appear happy. She seems like a smart young lady. They homeschool her. I was left wondering "What's going on?. They appear to be doing things right." Things were a bit stressed at home. Dad works in Wisconsin and mom goes with him for the week sometimes. It's about a six-hour drive from their place in north-east Indiana. Is this the reason? Or a part of it? She has an older sister that stays with her when mom and dad are gone. They have a farm they are trying to sell in Indiana so they can all move to Wisconsin. During a men's meeting two weeks ago the men suggested to him that he is too focused on the farm and not enough on his family. This might be the case.

All this rattling through my head takes me back to something the elder of our church said shortly after we started attending. He looked out across the congregation and commented on how nice the children looked and behaved. They wear the right clothes. They say the right things. They're all homeschooled so they have a good education. Well mannered. "But what's the state of their heart?" Ooh. Wasn't really expecting that. They can quote passages of the Bible, but is it in their heart?

Every family in our church homeschool their children. Not that it's mandated, that's just the way it's worked out so far. Some very large families. They, once again, appear Godly. An area a lot of "conservative" families fail miserably is TRAINING our children. We do train them. We train them what to say. We train them what do. We insist they memorize mass quantities of scripture. We scold them or spank them when they act up. Many homeschool children fear their parents. Possibly an un-healthy fear. We have abused our parental role. We have manipulated them into little "Yes-men" or robots. Our fear of looking bad in public (pride) has caused us to sever any friendship or attachment we once had - could have - should have with our children. There needs to be a time for this type of training. There also needs to be time for bonding. A time for fellowship. If you don't know your children, how do expect to know the state of their heart? How can you know if their hurting? If their doubting God? If their contemplating running away? Some people have a business of child-rearing as opposed to a family. The calendar hanging on our kitchen wall speaks to this. It has a quote on it this month along the lines of "Don't tell me how many children you birthed; how many are walking in truth?" It's kind of a new way of looking at things. We primarily focus on the outward obedience of our children and not on the in-ward state of their heart. I know it has made my wife and I stop and think about our interaction with our children. Do we have their hearts? Do they love and trust us or just fear us?

So many things to evaluate. By God's grace, we'll get through it.