As expected, we still have our moments. Some days are better than others. Sundays are hard for Eshell. Any day that I have time to dwell on the loss of Isaiah is hard for me. Yesterday happened to be one of them. I met Eshell and the kids for lunch. On my way back to work I lost it. Then I lost it again on my way home from work.
The notes, cards, phone calls and e-mails have been a real blessing. Also, we know that we still have tons of prayer coverage; for which we are very thankful. Thanks to all who read my last post and commented; either through the comments or through phone/e-mail/cards. To get things out like this helps me heal. The story of the Shunammite woman has also helped. Read it in 2 Kings 4. She only ever wanted a child. The Lord blessed her with one. Then he died. She ran in desperation to the man of God (Elisha) and fell vexed at his feet. The Lord chose to raise the child up, but before He did, she exclaimed "It is well".
After things have had a chance to settle down, my mind has also struggled with thoughts like: "Did you really do all that you could have done?" I know it seems completely nonsensical, but it has plagued me. I remember a couple years ago when Regan Clem posted about the loss of his twins (I wish I could find that post). He struggled with some of the same feelings. Could I have prayed a different way? Maybe I should have prayed for Eshell more earnestly and her bleeding would have stopped, letting the baby stay in longer. I knew at the time that I was completely helpless to do anything in my own power and strength. That's why I gave it God at that time. Why now do I try to take it back from God?
I know that what happened, happened for a reason. I also know that it happened for our good (Romans 8:28). (That last sentence was hard to write and is even harder to understand.) We may never know why or how on this earth. But we still trust God and His plan for us.
We are doing well, but prayers are still much appreciated. Thanks for all of the support!
Troy
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment